I’m abandoning protocol for today. I just need to vent. I’m sick. I powered through a day at work. And now I’m just feeling cruddy. And lonely. What am I doing here? Grad school, work, this apartment in the middle of freaking nowhere. You ever have moments like this? I’m far away from what I know. And I feel like have completely alienated myself from everyone.
The ironic part about it all, is I just want to go away, dip, vanish, hide out… you feel me? Mostly from the responsibilities though. Maybe even from myself. I want a vacation, a mental vacation. Soon I guess. I’m going back home for a little, and Chicago for a wedding later on. It will get here soon enough. 2010 is almost done.
The hardest part about being a “writer” type is that I’m not good with people. No, I lie. I am good with people, I just don’t like making the effort. And now I find myself looking back at something that wasn’t entirely healthy, and missing it, because in some ways, the past was easier.
I’m supposed to be moving forward, not looking back. And right now forward may mean a career in publishing and living in NYC. Scary right?